Wow, I just did a people search on myself and discovered that a stupid webpage I designed years ago via a free hosting provider is still up and running. It was a little under 5 years ago today. Luckily i put the date on the footer: (Sept 15, 2005). I remember this specific provider let you insert HTML code in a box, or you could drop your files into a web based ftp client. The downside of it were a bunch of lousy ads and a few crazy popups. Anyway here is the link: Ranch Dressing for Peace. Don’t look too bad. I could only remember writing about this gibberish, kinda cracks me up seeing it again.

Ok, might as well copy and paste here it so wont be forever lost. …

Ranch Dressing for Peace.
We all know Ranch Dressing is delicious, so why doesn’t the US Government send large shipments over to the Iraqi people? The question may rise “what happens if the shipment is intercepted and falls into Taliban hands”? Actually this would be a good thing. If such an interception did occur, the Taliban would most likely be indulging in the great whole taste of premium ranch dressing rather than trying to bomb vulnerable targets. The US Government also should keep in mind to send quality ranch dressing abroad rather than the cheap generic store name brands we have all known to hate. Sure the Taliban might gain some weight and become lazy if they had a endless supply, but hey, isn’t that what we want? I believe the Iraqi people and the Taliban alike should be introduced to such a wonderful product. Who knows, even the infamous Bin Laden himself might even surrender to the wholesome taste of ranch dressing.

Of course, trading oil for this product can be dealt with as well. Ranch dressing does indeed cost more than oil by the gallon. A 16 once bottle of wishbone “my favorite” costs anywhere in the neighborhood of $3.00 to $4.00 dollars a bottle, opposed to the $3.00 dollars a gallon at the pump. Let’s face it; we are running out of oil ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps we could figure out a way how to power our vehicles on ranch dressing alone. If diluted with water and vegetable oil there may be some possibilities.

Call me a whatever you will. I think Jews are cool and often wonder if a Hollywood celebrity, politician, or famous athlete with a Jewish sounding name “or big nose” is a Jew or not. Low and behold my troubles are now over thanks to this awesome website: http://jewornotjew.com. I can now scratch Michael “Kramer” Richards, Ben Roethlisberger and Mark Wahlberg off my list as once thought to be Jews. Anyway, the website can easily be navigated and withholds a considerable amount of Jews and many Gentiles who look Jewish, or have that Jewish sounding name. Oh com’on and admit it, this is indeed one of the hidden enjoyments of Hollywood. After a few cocktails even ask Mel Gibson.

Just recently I have finally hit the big 40. I physically don’t feel old “yet”. I don’t need Viagra, yes, I’m still waking up every morning with that woody, but my everyday life style has been visibly changing. I have noticed things ain’t what they seem. When a young lady crosses my path and smiles, she’s not smiling cause she thinks I am cute, logically she is smiling because she might be a crack whore, or mainly because I am an elder. AKA “old fart”. Out aging her by 2 decades, she surely wants to establish a relationship and bring me home to her folks who might be the same age. Ok, could happen if my bank account exceeded the recommendation, but from my standpoint, “ain’t gonna happen”. One indication knowing you’re as old as dirt would be “not” getting carded for alcohol while the 30 year old jerk in front of me does. Another commonality is that you’re usually referred as “that older guy”. Try going to any strip such as the mission bay district in San Diego, Night clubs, hostels and college campuses, your profile will always be, “The older guy”.

Being 40 seems to give you that false impression of being young sometimes. Nonetheless you are now looked at from a different perspective, and that perspective is OLD! It is funny knowing that when I turned 30 I thought I old. Welp, it’s almost time to chase down two tablets of gas-x with a nice healthy glass of prune juice. Ta ta!